Facing Personal Challenges

Hi there!

It has been 2 interesting weeks for me. I use the word interesting, because I am actually still at an internal processing stage. In the last 2 weeks I participated in a number of work- and non-work related events and as usual this distinction wasn’t very helpful as the lines blurred quickly. What was “work” turned out to be very personal and what was “non-work” opened up realizations to become better at work. It was a timely reminder that life lessons present itself at any time and anywhere as long as we are open enough to receive them and are somewhat “ready” for change.

The beauty about Coaching is the fact that you are constantly challenged to learn and monitor yourself closely to make sure that you do not project your own “business” onto the Coachee. In the Henley Coaching Certification program I am currently participating in, they are emphasizing this fact by allowing us to write reflective pieces of our coaching experiences in the role as a Coach as well as a Coachee. It is a useful way of getting beneath your own surface and understand the interplay of subconscious forces at work (see last blog entry).

Self-reflection has always been a very important part of my life, but recently I have felt somewhat trapped in a vicious cycle. It is like the more I know what I have to change something, the more caught up I get. The “should’s” and “should not to’s” and “have to’s” just kept on creeping in into my self-talk. You can imagine some of the outer effects – my moodiness increased, I started to question myself and what I want, started to blame my partner for all the things he doesn’t do for me, I over-ate, I felt unhappy etc.

On a cognitive level I know that it has been ME creating all this difficulties in my mind by believing in and falling for thoughts that are not true. Of course, this is not the first time I am experiencing this (we are human beings and are thinking ALL the time), yet having done a lot of personal development work over the last few years, I was surprised at the intensity and frequency of these thoughts that only seem to know one purpose: “creating fear and doubt”.

Then I saw a connection – the closer I seem to get towards achieving my goals, the louder my internal critic becomes. You may call it “fear of success” or doubts that are created by my thinking mind about what I am able to achieve or not.

Luckily, as a Coach and personal development “junkie” I do have tools and resources at hand that can help me through a difficult period like that. This time, the support has come in three different forms:

•A book that I picked up from the library on being “Consciously Female” by Tracy W. Gaudet, M.D.

•A spontaneous Healing session with Sound and Channeling by my dear friend Lena Chen (www.lenashealinghaven.com)

•A Workshop I had signed up for on “The Work” (Katie Byron – www.TheWork.com), a process of inquiry to release your limiting thoughts and beliefs and “love what is” (loving the present without judgments). The Workshop was hosted by Elaine Grundy from the Reiki Centre (www.reikicentre.com.sg)

All three resources have been teaching me different things and approaches to deal with the issues at hand. The book I picked up has made me realize that I my well-being (including my motivation and self-confidence) is indeed impacted by my cyclical states. I have been keeping a mood chart in connection with my menstrual cycle for a while now and am generally aware of the links. However, this book is like God’s gift for women who want to have an integrative perspective on how to actually deal with female specific issues in a mindful and conscious way. It would be too much for one blog entry to repeat lessons learnt for me, but all I can say is that I will be working on getting more consciously female and will start to adjust my weekly schedules and routines to incorporate some of the insights I got from this book.

The session with Lena was a very special experience. I have known Lena for about 1+ year and she had worked as a Counselor before. She has her own Healing practice now and is into Holistic Therapies. We are regularly in contact and we have been both talking about a general change in the approach to healing. According to established sources, the world has started to shift from energetic healing energies to sound and light. And as if by design, Lena had started to incorporate voice and tone into her healing sessions together with inner dance elements. She had told me about it before, but when I experienced it myself it was like a journey through time and space, her voice reflecting exactly my mental images and the bodily experiences I had. Her channeling was also powerful for me, since the messages I got confirmed that I am on the right path. Yet, again I also had to realize that being in flow, achieving all that I desire and spiritually evolve comes from the HEART and not the head. I was being reminded that I am a very good planner and analytical person. However, the progresses I will make are not based on my cognitive abilities but rather on my capacity to open up and follow my heart. How true! When she channeled these messages during the session, I could feel the “heaviness” of my own thoughts and mind and the blockage to the heart chakra. I was being told that one of the ways to listen to my heart more closely is daily meditation. And what do you know…? I have always been an on and off meditator, but recently I felt compelled to put more discipline into my meditation practice. So, it shows I do listen to my heart – sometimes at least.

The 3rd lesson I got (beside cyclical considerations and heart-opening through meditation) was the fact that monitoring your thought processes is indeed “work”. Katie Byron’s approach is titled “The Work” and I must say having read her book about 3 years ago, I was a little apprehensive in applying her process. Her approach emerged from her own experiences of being depressed for almost 10 years. She realized one day that her suffering was caused by the beliefs she held about the world around her and not by the world itself. She saw that our attempt to find happiness was backwards – instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match our thoughts about it “should” be, we can question these thoughts and, by meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy. Based on this, she developed a simple, yet powerful process of inquiry about our limiting beliefs led by four questions and a turnaround:

•Is it true (the limiting thought / belief)?
•Can I absolutely know that it is true?
•How do I react if I think that this thought / belief is true?
•Who would I be without this thought /belief?
•Turnaround: Find 3 genuine examples of how the opposite is true in your life

I had tried the process on my own several times before with some results. The Workshop reinforced that there is still work to do. So, I decided to give “The Work” a more dedicated try over a period of 3 months but in conjunction with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) as I still believe that “cognitive mind work” is great, yet combined with energy releasing techniques the results should even be better. I keep you informed how it goes and if it goes well, it is definitely something I want to add into my holistic coaching toolkit. Until then, I will be your guinea pig.

So, 2 weeks gone by, three lessons richer and three hours later (that’s how long it took me to write this blog), did I find my holy grail to solve my current doubts and fears? The answer would be a mixed “yes” and “no”. I am certainly grateful for the resources and support I am getting (and I know I should get myself a coach too…it is on my goal list for 2010). However I also know that self-awareness, clarity of goals and resources are parts of the journey, now it is about translating those into action and ongoing practices. Therefore I just decided that my next blog entry will be titled “Walking the Talk”.

Before you leave, reflect on the following questions with an open heart:
•What are YOUR learning’s over the past 2 weeks
o In general?
o In relation to your goals?
•What resources have you tapped into to handle your current challenges (if any)?
•What progress did you make? How do you translate your learning’s and resources into actions? What do you learn about yourself as you do that?
•What else do you need to think / feel / do to…? (e.g. learn more effectively, listen to your heart, progress towards your goals etc.)

If you have signed up for the INFlow& Balance Newsletter, watch out for the “Goal-setting” article and template, it may bring you a step closer to where you want to be.

As Katie Byron says: “No one can give you freedom but you.”

See you soon,
Vanessa