My transitioning self

Dear all,

This is my official 3rd blog entry after establishing Flow & Balance in Sep 2009 and it seems I am getting used to my fortnightly reflections which I have posted at every other Monday. It really allows me to reflect on what has happened, what moved me, what progress did I make and perhaps also where did I get stuck.

I am actually quite new to experimenting with different mediums like the blog, newsletter and article writing. There is certainly a ton of information out there how to do it “right”, however I decided to trust my intuition and learn as I go along. My intention is that what I write about will be the outward expression of inner journey and to allow my inner-most thoughts to flow out freely is admittingly still a huge learning process for me.

I believe there comes a time for all of us in our lives where we start to express more and more of who we are and what we think, feel and desire and if that happens, we are one step closer to take on our role as creators and become more comfortable with authenticity. My tagline in Flow & Balance is “Living and Leading from your true self” and I have chosen it mostly because of my own experiences in struggling to understand who I really am, what I want out of life and then having the courage to follow-through on what I believe is right, going beyond social conditioning and expectations. Without a doubt, it can be painful at times … yet if we want to make a difference in this world, listening to own heart and establishing our own ground-rules for life are essential ingredients.

Only yesterday, I experienced first-hand that the process of discovering one’s true self can be challenging. I had asked my partner John to review a self-reflective report I have had to submit as part of a Training program I am attending. As he was looking through the content, a few words and messages jumped out at him. We discussed his impressions and as we were talking (he was actually coaching me!), we got to deeper & deeper places. I used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) during the conversation and I dare to say that it allowed me to unblock some major experiences I had. For me it had to do with Trust, Safety and Control and while I thought I have dealt with it a long time ago, memory fragments from the past kept coming up (thanks to the subconscious mind!) and tears were rolling freely. It was a classic reminder for me that while I consciously made a decision to move ahead and manifest what I desire, subconsciously I allowed past experiences to hold me back. Through the conversation with John, he made me realize that unless I let go of the need to feel safe, trust-worthy and in control, new opportunities cannot emerge. We talked about how many times in my life I was already able to do this successfully and it dawned on me that I was actually in a major transition myself at this moment. And as long as I did not recognize it for what it is, I wouldn’t know what new & old resources I would require and what experience patterns to shift.

So, here I was, thinking I could just transit to a new place easily and effortlessly (since I had it all planned in my head for such a long time) and ignoring the misalignments in myself. You probably would say, “how come I thought she is a Coach, shouldn’t she know better and doesn’t SHE help people in transitions?” I believe, we are all human beings and we are often “seeing” when it comes to others and “blind” when it comes to oneself. Sometimes we do need external support, somebody who holds up a mirror and shows us the beautiful, ugly and unfinished sides of ourselves until we understand and are able to make new choices consciously.

And this is exactly part of my reason why I wanted to become a Coach, because it enables me to be there for others in times of transitions, when the going gets tough and we need honest reflections and reminders of our strengths.

I am lucky to have a partner who has always been very supportive. During the last 6 years, this is the 3rd major change and transition we have been going through together and each time we are both faced with very different learning’s. Sometimes it seems that what I have too little, he has too much and visa versa. It is an interesting constellation with many intense moments to learn from.

Before I end for today, I just wanted to make one important distinction in case you wonder about the differences between change and transitions. In my view, all transitions involve change, but change itself is not transition. Change occurs in the outer world while transition occurs in the inner. The challenge is to gracefully work and move through the emotions during times of change and knowing how to capitalize or leverage them positively.

Our whole life is actually a never-ending cycle of change. Seasons come and go. Beings are born and they die. Seeds are planted, they grow, they come to fruition and die. Plants and animals live and die in an unending cycle. This is a natural process and what happens in our lives is very similar. We are here to learn, create, enjoy, let go and move on – until we are ready to return where we came from.

How we want to move through each of the different phases and stages within one phase, is a decision we have to make again and again. We can deny, refuse, struggle, understand, accept, learn, realize, internalize and align. The choice is ours!

Maybe it is useful to start thinking about your own changes & transitions in life and what did you learn from them about yourself. I hope the following questions are a starting point. If you have any thoughts or insights, I would love to hear from you: vanessa@inflowandbalance.com.

•What are the major milestones / changes in my life that helped me to evolve & grow?

•How did I feel when I was going through them?

•What did I feel / think / do that helped me to transit gracefully and successfully? What can I learn from this? What does this tell me about myself?

•Where am I currently in the seasons of life? What “header” would I give my life at this moment?

•How am I feeling about it?

•Is there anything I would like to change about it?

•If yes, what changes do I want?

•How can I prepare myself for it – mentally, emotionally, habitual?

•Will I need support? Where will I be going to get support, encouragement and honest feedback?

•What will I do next?

Have a great week,
Vanessa