The True Self

Dear all,

In my last blog we explored different “Ego-personalities” (EPs) and how they can affect our BEING and judgment in certain situations. Today I would like to move beyond our personality and look closer at the question of “Who am I” or “Who are we” for that matter.

It is such a profound question that has always been at the heart of spirituality and yet we seem to have difficulty answering, accepting and embodying it in our earthly lives.

For me in particular, the question of identity and purpose is an essential one. I am an Enneagram type 4 (with a 5 Wing), the Individualist and one of the type’s primary drivers is the search of identity while its basic fear is not having any significance. Therefore one of things 4’s do is to overuse imagination in search of self. The type’s saving grace is its high level of self-awareness and its sensitive, intuitive personality if the emotions are kept in balance. 4s operate from their feelings. Their challenge is to go beyond their emotional states and recognize that their true self is more than their momentary feelings. Their key lessons to learn are about balance, focus, discipline, independence and how to be themselves without having to compare themselves with others.

Knowing and reflecting on these characteristics have helped me to manage myself better, yet it has not taken my yearning away from finding my true self which is the fuel of my spiritual search.

What is the true self?
I see the true self as our soul-level identity, our realization that we are connected to something larger than ourselves. It implies going beyond our essential aloneness and free ourselves from the ego and the apparent duality of the individual and world to the bliss of the one real nature.

The true self can never be found outside of us, but only inside of us. And that’s where sometimes the practical challenges lies. If we really want to be free, we have to discover what is within us and let go of whatever is found and binds us to the false idea that we are somehow incomplete (as proclaimed by the EGO), only then the true self will reveal itself and liberty will follow naturally.

I believe that we all are actually yearning for this revelation to take place in our lives. Since this is the only way to true peace, happiness and freedom.

The true self is therefore our soul endowed with full spiritual powers where the SELF ultimately reveals itself as pure energy and pure consciousness.

Practical realities
The reality is that understanding the concept of a “true self” and its spiritual connection, is not the same as being able to live it. And sometimes I think if I would already to be able to do it fully, maybe my job and purpose of being on earth would be finished and I could return to source.

The challenges we face are partly rooted in our concept of duality. We often see our life as being this, or as not being that. In search of approval of others, we compare our lives and accomplishments to others and start to wonder of who we really are. And if we do not compare ourselves to others, the inner critic (an “EP”) will make sure that we do a comparison to the inner standards we have created for ourselves (fed by social conditioning and past experiences).

But if we start comparing “who I am” to someone or something else, are we not the subject of whatever it is we have compared ourselves to (and hence it is an egoistic endeavor)? And how could we even know for sure what we are seeing in others is reality and not only a fragment of reality or a stream of impressions and thoughts? And where would constant comparing lead us to anyways? There will always be people that have more, are more successful, more mature, wiser or simply more beautiful than we are.

The ego lives through comparison and attachment to things. It identifies with “having”, with the physical manifestations, form and structure. This is why we hang onto physical possessions as they give us a feeling of permanence and stability. However, this is an illusion. Buddhists always talk about the importance of letting go of our attachment to things, to achieve true enlightenment and end suffering. The concept I am introducing here is based on the same principle.

If having more & more and being successful in society’s terms does not lead us closer to our truer self, what does?

How can we move towards a “Truer Self”? As humans we have 3 basic capacities that are linked to our dimensions of being in this world:
1. To Know -> Mind -> Mind Consciousness (Mind)
2. To Love -> Heart -> Emotional Consciousness (Soul)
3. To Will -> Body -> Body Consciousness (Body)

Those capacities are interconnected and make up our “whole self”. I believe that our life task is to work on all of these capacities to be able to progress towards a true self. If we have an egoic mind (a mind-made self comprised of thought and emotion) our basis for identity is precarious. Having our minds developed to a soul-stage level (by integrating head & heart) we realize that we can go beyond mental constructs, logic and reality and operate from a higher authentic, unified, visionary, autonomous and intuitive place.

This place is actually always available to us, if we seek it and cultivate it in us. It is this place where the soul speaks which only happens if we become still and clear the clutter in our minds.

Meditation is therefore one of the best ways to get in touch with this place as it allows us to practice mindfulness and detachment.

Besides meditation, I also believe that the following practices can get us closer to our true self:

1.Developing self-awareness through regular reflections, journaling, intimate discussions with friends, loved ones or even a Coach

2.Transforming motivation – freeing oneself from addictions and cravings and committing to higher goals

3.Taking control of negative emotions and cultivating love and gratitude

4.Being of service to others – feeling good by doing good and by turning work into service

5.Practicing Being Present through active listening, physical awareness, focus and by being one with nature

I am sure there many more ways to get closer to our true self and certainly one could introduce specific practices that belong to each of the mentioned areas above.
For the readers who wanted practical, short-cut answers to how to find our true selfs, I apologize. The reality is that awakening to our infinite selfs may be at the very heart of our earthly experience. What we can do is to use every day to take little steps into the right direction.

For me Coaching is not only the way I have chosen to give service to others, but it also teaches me a lot about my own self-awareness, the need of being fully present and being able to connect to my higher self.

Every Coaching experience is therefore actually a step towards my connection to my true self beyond my mental self-construct of who I am or who I want to be.

That is also true the other way round, every Coaching session for my clients is an opportunity reflect on their thoughts, emotions and physical sensations around a particular issue they are dealing with. And sometimes it so happens, that the clients allow themselves to tap into their inherent soul-level wisdom as part of the process. And every time that happens, I know that we both just became a bit truer to ourselves and have claimed part of our freedom.

“And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” – John 8:32

Love & Blessings,
Vanessa