Flow & Balance

Facing Truth

2010-04-05T08:58:00.002+08:00

Dear all,

By now you will have noticed that a recurring theme in my blogs and newsletter is the evolution of human consciousness – what it means, how it shows up in our lives and what lessons we are to learn, so we can evolve into who we truly meant to be.

My belief is that our fundamental task in this lifetime is to strip away the layers of the ego that come with false identification of the mind and play out in negative patterns throughout our life and past lives (if they have not been cleared away). These patterns are rooted in conditioned thought forms that are low in energy vibrations and that we have allowed to drive our behaviours – for example shame, guilt, fear, desire, anger, pride, grief. In order to evolve consciously and be in a higher vibrational state we have to cultivate self-awareness and choose thought forms that are positive like courage, acceptance, love, joy, peace.

Experiences or conditioned thinking that keep us trapped in the lower thought forms (and can be unconscious) have to be healed and let go of to awaken us to our true selves. Becoming aware of them is the first step, accepting them and releasing them is the next step while consciously choosing new thoughts & actions that support life.

In our lives, we will be given experiences which are most helpful for the evolution of our consciousness. A classic case was the recent story of Dr. Silviu Ionescu, the former Romanian diplomat who was officially found culpable by the Coroner Court of Singapore of committing two hit-and-run accidents in Dec 2009.
He hat hit three men in quick succession with his car after a night out where alcohol was in involved. One of the men hit by the car died (he was 30 years old and newly wed) whereas the other two were severely injured. This has been a tragic accident and one could say, it can happen, but what was intriguing is how Dr. Ionescu chose to respond by denying all responsibility and lacking in basic human decency. Fact is:

•He drank alcohol and he was driving too fast when the accident occurred

•After he hit the three men and did not stop his car to see what happened and call for an ambulance

•Instead he slowed down to scold an eye witness who tried to stop him from fleeing the scene

•He drove home and slept. The next day, he tried to persuade his female companion who he was spending the night out with, to “forget” that he had drank alcohol

•He fabricated a story and lied to the police that his car was stolen and he was not involved in the accident

•Shortly after, he left for Romania while the Singapore police started investigations

•Since then he has denied all allegations and has called the recent verdict by the State Coroner of Singapore as “bullshit”

•It is yet unclear whether Romania will waiver his diplomatic immunity, so that he can be charged in Singapore and be jailed for his crime

Isn’t it amazing how consistently Dr. Ionescu has chosen to ignore reality and deny truth? There were so many “exit points” for him to come clean and admit to his wrong doings. Instead, he held on to the illusion that he can get away without taking accountability and his life will go back to normal.

Without knowing much of Dr. Ionescu, I presume that this is not the first time that he has chosen to ignore warning signs of what is really going on in his life. I believe, the bigger the wake-up call we experience, the more resistance we have shown in learning our lessons early on.

Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego and the more we resist, the more outer resistance we create and ultimately the universe will not be on our side and life will not be helpful. What we fight strengthens, what we resist, persist.

In this case, it had tragic consequences that ended in the loss of life. Dr. Ionescu had many choices along the way that could have resulted in a very different outcome. I feel for the victim’s families, but I also know it had to come to this for Ionescu to “wake up”. I am not sure what the wake-up is about in detail, one would presume humility, decency & responsibility by overcoming pride, shame, anger and desire might be part of it.

He is still in denial and it may take a while for the realization to kick in, yet it is inevitable. He is part of the human race and has his contributions to make in the name of human consciousness. Dismantling his ego and facing the truth in the context of this case, will be a step towards greater self-awareness and responsibility.

We have to understand that whatever we choose in our life has consequences beyond ourselves. We are all interconnected and when we ignore what we need to learn, life comes knocking at our doors the hard way. Therefore the only way to evolve is to work on ourselves – if we get better, the world is getting better.

And I am writing this as a reminder for myself. Sometimes I have this romantic notion that I am not harming anyone else by just having self-defeating thoughts – the inner critic voice (e.g. I am not good enough; I am not worthy enough etc.). Fact is, because of that voice, fear manifests and keeps me from doing things that can benefit others and allows me to truly manifest my gifts in the best possible way. It also makes me blame my partner or allows me to complain about things in my life, I am not happy with. These are all negative and low vibrational states that reduce the collective human consciousness, rather than uplifting it.

Think about it, we do not have to be a Dr. Ionescu to deny awareness and responsibility of our actions. By just thinking about ourselves (or others) in a negative way, we can impact and slow down our own conscious evolution and that of humanity as a whole.
You may want to ask yourself today:

• What predominantly occupies my mind?
• What emotions go with that?
• What am I really afraid of? What am I not willing to face?
• What possibilities am I denying myself because of that?
• What lessons am I ignoring?
• What would I need to make a shift?

Ultimately, we will all end up in the same place, as we are Truth and Light itself. The question is just how “fast” (how many lives do we need to learn our lessons…) and how much love, peace and joy did we experience and create during our life times.

As Eckhart Tolle says, “…you cannot fight the ego and win, just as you cannot fight against darkness. The light of consciousness is all that is necessary. You are the light.”

May Dr. Ionescu be blessed with this understanding and the victim’s families have the grace & compassion of forgiveness.

We are all one,
Vanessa

The Time is Now

2010-03-22T18:27:00.002+08:00

Dear all,

Do you also have the feeling that time seems to be flying? Do you currently observe that painful events & memories (you thought are long gone or have forgotten about) are breaking through the surface? Do you feel a strange longing to search for deeper meaning in your life? Or are you still struggling with manifesting your purpose in a consistent and joyful way? Welcome to the Club!

I had several reminders in the last 2 weeks that we are indeed living in trying and yet, very exciting times where things are about to change. From a spiritual perspective, this change is about a shift in consciousness driven by specific energetic influxes and a shift in energy frequency patterns coming from a higher realm. As a human race our collective and individual task is to move from a 3rd dimensional density consciousness to a 5th dimensional ascended consciousness. In short, we are preparing ourselves for Ascension or Awakening.

My intention in this blog is not so much to discuss the purpose and reasons behind that shift (google Ascension process and you will find many articles), but rather to look at the key messages that are embedded in this for us.

Personally, I have witnessed this shift in myself and many of my clients and friends around me. Our deepest fears, limiting beliefs and old negative behavioural patterns are currently been activated into our conscious awareness.
Those challenges may come from this life time, but they can also be coming from karmic ties or beliefs held in the collective un-consciousness. Whatever they are and wherever they come from, fact is we are meant to acknowledge, resolve and heal them if we are to awaken to our new nature of “multidimensional” beings in unity.

Trust me if I say I am speaking from experience… Emotional pain and imbalances are not new to me (remember I am Enneagram Type 4), but at this particular time they seem to intensify and manifest in episodes of crying, anxieties and physical unwellness. Consequently, I have done changes to my diet again, take supplements, started Aikido (martial arts), make it a habit to write down my thoughts and just sit quiet for some time each day to reflect and stay with whatever is going on. It is not very easy and I can’t say that I make transformational changes. Yet, I do sense that each “activity” is a step into the right direction, I feel there is a greater purpose & meaning at work. Never before have I had access to so many resources that support me in this process – my peer coaching groups, my partner, my books & information, my friends, my solitude, the time I have available to focus on personal development, the coaching opportunities I am being given… everything seems to be exactly the way it is supposed to be, making me confront my boundaries in the pursuit of growth in consciousness.

The pain comes primarily if I start to struggle against what is presented to me at this time. It comes, if I allow my thoughts to take over to create negative scenarios and “what if” cases in my mind. It stays with me if I give my inner critic the permission to stay in charge. I know that these are powerful opportunities for exposing my ego and question the reality I have created for myself. Sometimes I push back hard not wanting to accept that there is no “truth” in what I thought and felt to be true for so long. As I am writing this, fear creeps up on me asking “who will I be” if I give up my story, known limits and the construct I created to make sense of the world. There is still a strong impulse to protect what is my reality as this is all I know. Letting go means surrendering to the unknown and my biggest personal fear I have discovered in this is “will I be safe” where I need to go next, “will I be safe” if there is nothing I can hold onto anymore as it has all changed?

It is a scary place to be and yet very liberating. Cognitively, I have always understood that this is the “normal” process of our times and necessary to fulfill God’s plan. However, going through it myself and seeing my friends and clients go through it is indeed challenging – sometimes I wish there would be a shortcut.

Emotional clearing and getting ourselves into a state of acceptance & surrender are vital at the moment to be able to cope with what is going on. If we want to be part of the Ascension, we have to stop fighting and give intent to “being ready” whatever may come.

If I say the “time is now” I refer to the window of possibility we all have to re-examine what kind of life we have created, how we have lived our life, what kind of beliefs, values, aspirations have shaped us and what we need to change going forward.

It is a time of introspection, self-understanding and self-acceptance. As we wake up and learn how to become conscious, we become “universally responsible”. It implies that we integrate our awareness with personal responsibility to shape the impact we have on the world and the world has on us.

As conscious beings and leaders, we will be able to know ourselves and everything around us, because we know that we cannot choose intentions consciously until we become conscious of each of the different aspects of ourselves. In other words, we are not only aware of a problem (and can solve it), we are also doing something about it since we become responsible of what we are aware of.

The question I have for you is “are you ready” to become a more conscious human being? If not, what is holding you back? What do you need to get started? What is it that you belief to be true about what is going on in the world, around you, within yourself?

If you ARE ready, reflect on where you are now and what you need to accelerate your growth & development? What resources do you have that allow you to go with the flow? What is it that you have to let go of and surrender to?

The quicker we will be able to heal ourselves and step into our awareness & full responsibility, the faster global changes will take place. We are all interconnected and if we heal parts of ourselves, we heal parts of the collective consciousness. Imagine everyone pulling their weight, what future we can create.

My job as a Coach will therefore ALWAYS be twofold: giving my best to personally develop into higher levels of consciousness while holding the best intentions for my clients and creating a safe space for them to look at themselves, who they really are and who they are becoming.

In conclusion, the points I would like to remind us of as we play our parts in this conscious shift include:

1. Practice self-awareness more rigoursly than ever
We have to become an observer of our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations and behaviours and its impact in our lives, at work and on others. We could start by setting a conscious intention to welcome any new learning’s about ourselves into our lives with gratitude. We could say: “I am grateful for this opportunity to understand myself better every day. I am open and receptive to all lessons that are presented to me, because I know it serves the highest purpose of evolution. I am safe and well as I discover myself more and more, everyday in every way.”

Self-awareness is not just something that happens. It requires discipline, focus and openness to ask ourselves tough questions as we go through our days: what am I feeling; what am I reacting to; what in this situation do I perceive to be true; what are my underlying reasons of thinking this way; what role am I playing here; what is my intention…

Only by giving ourselves time and space to reflect, feel our bodies, acknowledge our emotions and reevaluate our actions, will we be able to gain greater insights into ourselves.

2. Recognize what is really going on
As our self-awareness increases we will recognize negative patterns, habits and recurring challenges in our life. What is really going on requires us to look deeper and go beyond the surface. Often this is prompted by negative experiences or breakdowns in our life. Ask yourself: where do I currently encounter challenges in my life; from where do I know this / where have I seen this before in my life; how do these challenges manifest in my life right now (symptoms); what do the challenges have in common; can I see a common theme; what is the common theme; what word / sentence would I use to describe what is going on; what does this tell me about myself; what do I need to address it; what needs to shift etc.

Asking for feedback from others can be a powerful source of insight for us. Usually people around us are quite aware of what is going (as it is easier to be the outside observer), but they seldom tell us honestly & frankly unless asked. Think about who you could ask for feedback today to deepen your awareness.

3. Be gentle with yourself
There might be a tendency to discount on what progress we have already made up to this point in our lives. The inner critic, pleaser, doubter or whatever other ego-personality will work hard to dismantle any possibility of positive change. Don’t be afraid, the process is such that we are meant to evolve anyways, no matter of how hard the ego tries to deceive us. Have you heard this saying: “Before it gets better, it gets worse”? If yes, you know what I am talking about. In moments, we think we can’t take anymore, we have to stay right there and we will see that the fear, pain or whatever is present, is just an illusion. The moment we walk through it, is the moment we become free. However, don’t push yourself too hard. You will intuitively know if the time is ready to dissolve your boundaries and blast through your fears, until then try to go with flow.

Ask yourself: how can I create more joy in my life today; what can I do to love & respect myself more; what makes me feel whole right now; what do I want to acknowledge myself for; what am I grateful for today etc.

4. Put yourself into a state of gratitude, acceptance & surrender
This is an extension of point 3 – gratitude, acceptance and surrender are the key attitudes we need to cultivate if we want to consciously evolve. As I said earlier, fighting against “what is” or “what we have created” will get us nowhere, it rather intensifies the struggle and pain until it reaches a tipping point where we are “forced” to accept that our reality created was not life supporting or beneficial for our next stage of development. Whenever you feel yourself resisting, remember “what we resist persists”. Go back to these three attitudes and ask yourself how you can embody them more:

Gratitude is about having appreciation for life and the fact that we have been given free will to co-create. We do not live by instincts, but have the power to exercise conscious choice. It means not taking things for granted, but giving thanks for our existence and experiences in this life time.

Acceptance is the opposite of resistance. When we accept we do not ask “why this is happening to me”. Instead we ask ourselves “what is real” or “what is true” and work through the layers till we understand the lessons. Once understood, we embrace it and let it be.

Surrender can come with, before or after acceptance. It implies that we do not force “our plan” or actions to resolve the challenges and lessons at hand. Rather are we open to the idea of a higher power and purpose and detach ourselves from the outcome and results we want to achieve.

5. Stay the course – work on body, mind and soul
In the end, we are all work in progress and perseverance is an important element as we stay with the process. It is all too easy to get impatient and give up on our noble path and desire to grow (irrespective of the so-called energetic window of opportunity).

They say it takes 21 days to entrench a behavioural change, is it a wonder that it may require a lifetime to change our complete state of being? However, as said before the momentum has begun and the time for making relevant, step by step changes in our lives has never been better.

One way of making sure we are staying the course is by developing our own Integral Life Practices plan (ILPP). It is a structured and coherent plan that consists of practices we already do or intend to do on a body, mind, soul and shadow level. It can include things like:
• Body: nutrition, exercise, healthy habits etc.
• Mind: research, books, study group etc.
• Spirit: meditation, religious gatherings, etc.
• Shadow: journaling, Enneagram study, etc.

The key is to work on all levels simultaneously to intensify and accelerate our growth process.

In addition, it can also help to seek out a counselor, coach or support group that we intimately connect with to ensure we progress with highest intent.

As you continue on your path, I wish you strength, courage and joy in the months to come.

In spirit,
Vanessa

“A surge of life pulled me from the dead
I gave up mental contamination
And started building a spiritual foundation
The world all around me was falling down
And when it crumbled I saw higher ground
Something happened inside of me
I stepped into my true identity.”

[From “Spiritual Liberation” by Michael Bernard Beckwith]

Creativity

2010-03-11T12:57:00.006+08:00

Dear all,

I am late by 3 days with this blog entry and frankly speaking I have been procrastinating. It was not due to a lack of time, but a perceived lack of creativity that stopped me from putting my thoughts down. And precisely because of that, I decided to focus in this entry on creativity, creation and what it takes to be inspired.

Being creative
I always had a strange relationship with the concept of creativity and it took me a long time to even dare admitting to myself that I can be creative. I had created this idealized air around it. In my imagination, creative people were the ultra-cool, outside-the-norm, artsy, rebellious, lonely, deeply emotional and vulnerable beings that scared by life manifested their desires, life pains and hopes in tangible pieces of art. In my world these people were not living a long and balanced life, but were rather inspired by periods of utmost (emotional) intensity and ugliness of life which made them turn away from the outer world and explore their spirits and inner workings in pursuit of either becoming “normal” or telling the world what others were missing out while being normal.

It didn’t help that I actually yearned to be exactly like them (probably my Enneagram Type 4 genes), something I could not accomplish in my mind since I have had not been given obvious gifts like drawing skills, musical talent, acting, performing or even writing skills for that matter. However strangely enough, looking back at my childhood, there were periods where I did test my creative talents: I wrote poems, daily philosophical letters to friends, performed at a theatre play, played the flute (that was a disaster though, I was the only one who couldn’t read notes and operated on a “finger 1-5” system”), danced my way daily through our living room (to Michael Jackson music) and sang Bavarian songs in our family restaurant in the attempt to entertain guests. Well, not too bad after all, wasn’t it? And yet, once I entered the workforce I seemed to forget all about it and the concept of my fantasized creativity became somehow unattainable again.

Since I started Flow & Balance, I find myself regularly in need to tap my right-brain and natural creativity whether it is for writing this blog, being spontaneous and intuitive in responding in coaching conversations or dreaming up some practical marketing ideas. In this context my new-old fantasy did not quite help and I was re-thinking what creativity really means to me and here is what I came up with:

•It comes from a higher place or spirit, not the ego (if it comes from the ego, it feels like I rationally force things to happen. This is different from being in spirit where an idea has taken hold of me rather than I have to take hold of the idea)

•It is directed from the heart, not the head

•It is about trusting my intuition and instincts beyond the known

•It is a space where I feel alive and joyful as I receive vibrational energies in form of voices, messages, silent reminders, invisible suggestions etc.

•It is reflected by a state of inner peace & focus and time is not of essence

•It is state of flow – a shift of consciousness where I can work with greater energy, enthusiasm and efficiency

•It is a calling to proceed even though I am unsure of goals, accomplishments or the end-result

•It feels effortless and easy

•It feels like it “has to be that way” – there are no doubts and no criticism of the result

Tapping into creative states at will
The concept of “flow” has long been associated with high performance, not only creativity. In sports, athletes that are in a flow state reflect an inner state that is intensely focused and exceptionally calm – think of the recent performance by Korean Ice skater Kim Yun Na. Getting into a flow state bridges the linear and creative functions of our brain while suspending the critical faculty of our logical mind, temporarily. This means we need to tap into our right brain first without logical reflection, before we can later use the left brain to organize, systemize and fit ideas together. The challenge is often that we try too quickly to press emotions and experiences of a spontaneous idea into linear form, therefore being more directed by our head rather than the heart.

I had to realize that creativity is not a something that belongs exclusively to a talented group of people, but rather it is our birth right and divine nature to live from inspiration and inspire others. Everyone is naturally creative and expresses or manifests creativity differently. The measure of creativity may also not be worldly success as we know it. It rather is to be measured by how we feel and show joy in life. A measure I clearly have had some challenges with in the past.

So, what can we do more of to tap into our natural creativity and experience these flow states more often in our lives?

Learning to focus
I am afraid to say that again, but the quickest way to shift into non-critical, not-knowing and creative states of mind is via deep relaxation or meditation. It allows letting go of the past and future and centers us into the present. All it often takes is 2 minutes of getting into the relaxed mode consistently over a period of time before embarking on a creative task or project. The relaxation can be a deep breathing exercise where you scan your body and relax each of its muscles. After feeling totally relaxed and safe, you can set your intention and say a positive affirmation of how you want to BE as you allow your creativity to flow through you.

For instance, one of the statements I would say to myself is: “I am totally calm, at peace and at ease right here and now. I open my heart and allow myself to be guided by my natural creative talents that come directly from source. Those talents will manifest themselves in words, deeds and ways I may not yet consciously know. I open myself up to all the creative possibilities and inspirations from infinite spirit. Thank you.”

It may sound quite spiritual, but that this is exactly what creation is about – it comes from spirit and the heart and not the ego. Being therefore in the right STATE (our emotional, physical and mental condition we are operating from) while allowing ourselves to access the depth of our consciousness, will bring creativity forth in us. As the Enneagram Institute reminded me today via a “Tip of the day” e-mail (how fitting):

“The nature of creativity will probably always remain mysterious because its basis is irrational—in the feelings and unconscious of the artist. The motives for artistic work are both to communicate and to conceal the self.”
(The Enneagram Institute, Personality Types, 136)

I think it is the “irrationality” or lack of control we may be afraid of in allowing creativity to come through, or least for me it is certainly a factor. Realizing that my rational mind is often my ego mind helps me to refocus, because I know that my thoughts are only a fraction of who I really am in creative expression. Suspending the false self (ego) and surrendering to a greater good, purpose and force are the main reasons for being able to live a life from inspiration and creativity.

For me, knowing this truth helps me often to replace my doubts and return to a state of not knowing and being okay with it. My EPs or Mindtraps (see previous blogs) with my inner critic being the loudest need to be silenced, otherwise I will not be in a place of harmony and creation will be challenging.

Creativity is such a fluid, high vibrational state and the more we learn to tune into ourselves and tap into its natural flow, the more joy and creative manifestations we will experience.

Going forward, you may find it useful to reflect on the following questions:
•When was a time where I was in complete bliss? How did it feel? What was I doing? Where was I?

•How do I express my creativity naturally? How am I creative? What do I do when I am creative?

•What do I really need in order to be creative?

•What is stopping me from allowing more creativity into my life?

•What can I do more of to bring more creativity into my life? (play, pray, mediate, go into nature, go to the spa, focused breathing, writing a story, re-decorating the house, make time for a dream day, watch people…)

•What can I do less of that blocks my creativity? E.g. How can I unclutter my life, my schedule, my commitments to free up time? How can I free myself of the Mindtraps and ego-talk that keeps me from being creative more often?

•What daily commitment to I want to make in order to give creativity a space in my life?

•How can others help me to stick to this commitment? How can they participate in my creativity? How can we co-create?

Have fun and experiment!

In spirit,
Vanessa

Authentic Leadership

2010-02-22T17:37:00.001+08:00

Dear all,

The idea of the true self and authenticity has stayed with me over the last 2 weeks. This time in the context of leadership rather than a spiritual perspective as I was preparing for a client assignment and did some telephone coaching, discovering someone’s leadership vision.

Knowing yourself, being yourself and disclosing yourself have always been important foundations for effective leadership, reinforcing the concept and necessity of self mastery. However, what really struck me this time as I was reading through books and reflecting on my own personal experiences in organizations is the degree of “sureness” about themselves that leaders seem to have when it comes to their origins, principles / values, personality and vision. In essence, they know what they stand for and what legacy they want to leave behind without questioning or wavering.

Effective leaders know who they are, where they came from and the relationship between the two. They are firmly grounded, mobile, comfortable with oneself, show vulnerability and are able to operate outside their comfort zone & seek feedback. They are masters in perseverance and managing relationships with others based on what the situation requires – sometimes it is intimacy, sometimes it is distance, sometimes it is “tough love”. They are also good situation sensors in the first place and know how to connect the dots (strategic thinking).

In the book “Why should anyone be led by you”? by Rob Goffee & Gareth Jones that I have been reading, the core message is that leadership needs followers and followers want to know:
1. What is special about you that I should follow you?
2. What are your unique traits?

Therefore authentic leaders are those who:
a. Align action with stated values
b. Share personal shortcomings
c. “Show up” consistently and appropriately in different situations
d. Let themselves be known on a personal level beyond title or role

In addition, they are able to give to followers what they need:

1. Community – all about building effective teams where unique talents are recognized and leveraged for overall performance, synergy & growth

2. Authenticity – as described above

3. Significance – providing employees with the line of sight between their contributions and the goals of the organization; giving personalized feedback; recognizing people’s contributions

4. Excitement – passion, conviction, celebrations that spur the team to higher levels of performance

Is that always easy? Sure it is not, but the point here is that since they know themselves so well and do not question their core and calling, they are able to focus on the things that really matter and have the strengths to overcome challenges and obstacles in a way that allows people around them to have the confidence in themselves to contribute and be the best they can be.

The question I would like to ask this week is: “what can we learn from authentic leaders, even if we are not in an “official” leadership position? To some extent we all play the role of leaders from time to time, in the family, in relationships, in our community or in the form of self-leadership.

Allow me to offer you some of my own learning’s and reminders:

1. Embracing who we are– no matter our backgrounds, life history or painful experiences. They made us to who we are today and we are perfect - always. That doesn’t mean to be stuck in the ego and narcissistic powers (that a lot of leaders carry), but rather coming from a place of love where we are consciously focused on our unlimited nature and wholeness.

2. Getting clarity on our vision, purpose and values and know how we translate them into action. Enacted values are key, if we do not walk the talk or embody our principles, what can we expect from our followers? If we do not have a vision and a purpose, we will be searching as many others do and we will not be able to catalyze focused action.

3. Shifting the strategies, but not the goalpost – it refers to staying true to the goals we have set out to achieve despite the day-to-day performance pressures we are under.

4. Having faith and persevere – real leaders show faith in themselves, in their people and organizations they work for. It means we see obstacles as opportunities for learning and growth and we understand that everything happens for a reason. It also requires placing our attention and intention on the things we want to create for the greater good and in the spirit of service.

5. Nurturing our core – it means knowing where we can retreat to in order to rebalance and inspire ourselves again. It requires taking time out on a regular basis to contemplate and recharge the batteries.

As you think about your own ideas on authenticity & leadership, ask yourself today:
1. What does leadership really means to me?
2. When have I been in a leadership position that really fulfilled me?
3. What excites me as a leader? What am I passionate about when leading?
4. What values & principles do I embody as a leader?
5. What do I truly want to stand for as a leader?
6. How do I want to be remembered? What legacy do I want to leave behind?
7. How can I be of service to others through the leadership practices I offer?
8. What do I need to bring my leadership to the next level?

The answers are already within you, allow them into your consciousness today.

Be well,
Vanessa

The True Self

2010-02-07T22:19:00.002+08:00

Dear all,

In my last blog we explored different “Ego-personalities” (EPs) and how they can affect our BEING and judgment in certain situations. Today I would like to move beyond our personality and look closer at the question of “Who am I” or “Who are we” for that matter.

It is such a profound question that has always been at the heart of spirituality and yet we seem to have difficulty answering, accepting and embodying it in our earthly lives.

For me in particular, the question of identity and purpose is an essential one. I am an Enneagram type 4 (with a 5 Wing), the Individualist and one of the type’s primary drivers is the search of identity while its basic fear is not having any significance. Therefore one of things 4’s do is to overuse imagination in search of self. The type’s saving grace is its high level of self-awareness and its sensitive, intuitive personality if the emotions are kept in balance. 4s operate from their feelings. Their challenge is to go beyond their emotional states and recognize that their true self is more than their momentary feelings. Their key lessons to learn are about balance, focus, discipline, independence and how to be themselves without having to compare themselves with others.

Knowing and reflecting on these characteristics have helped me to manage myself better, yet it has not taken my yearning away from finding my true self which is the fuel of my spiritual search.

What is the true self?
I see the true self as our soul-level identity, our realization that we are connected to something larger than ourselves. It implies going beyond our essential aloneness and free ourselves from the ego and the apparent duality of the individual and world to the bliss of the one real nature.

The true self can never be found outside of us, but only inside of us. And that’s where sometimes the practical challenges lies. If we really want to be free, we have to discover what is within us and let go of whatever is found and binds us to the false idea that we are somehow incomplete (as proclaimed by the EGO), only then the true self will reveal itself and liberty will follow naturally.

I believe that we all are actually yearning for this revelation to take place in our lives. Since this is the only way to true peace, happiness and freedom.

The true self is therefore our soul endowed with full spiritual powers where the SELF ultimately reveals itself as pure energy and pure consciousness.

Practical realities
The reality is that understanding the concept of a “true self” and its spiritual connection, is not the same as being able to live it. And sometimes I think if I would already to be able to do it fully, maybe my job and purpose of being on earth would be finished and I could return to source.

The challenges we face are partly rooted in our concept of duality. We often see our life as being this, or as not being that. In search of approval of others, we compare our lives and accomplishments to others and start to wonder of who we really are. And if we do not compare ourselves to others, the inner critic (an “EP”) will make sure that we do a comparison to the inner standards we have created for ourselves (fed by social conditioning and past experiences).

But if we start comparing “who I am” to someone or something else, are we not the subject of whatever it is we have compared ourselves to (and hence it is an egoistic endeavor)? And how could we even know for sure what we are seeing in others is reality and not only a fragment of reality or a stream of impressions and thoughts? And where would constant comparing lead us to anyways? There will always be people that have more, are more successful, more mature, wiser or simply more beautiful than we are.

The ego lives through comparison and attachment to things. It identifies with “having”, with the physical manifestations, form and structure. This is why we hang onto physical possessions as they give us a feeling of permanence and stability. However, this is an illusion. Buddhists always talk about the importance of letting go of our attachment to things, to achieve true enlightenment and end suffering. The concept I am introducing here is based on the same principle.

If having more & more and being successful in society’s terms does not lead us closer to our truer self, what does?

How can we move towards a “Truer Self”? As humans we have 3 basic capacities that are linked to our dimensions of being in this world:
1. To Know -> Mind -> Mind Consciousness (Mind)
2. To Love -> Heart -> Emotional Consciousness (Soul)
3. To Will -> Body -> Body Consciousness (Body)

Those capacities are interconnected and make up our “whole self”. I believe that our life task is to work on all of these capacities to be able to progress towards a true self. If we have an egoic mind (a mind-made self comprised of thought and emotion) our basis for identity is precarious. Having our minds developed to a soul-stage level (by integrating head & heart) we realize that we can go beyond mental constructs, logic and reality and operate from a higher authentic, unified, visionary, autonomous and intuitive place.

This place is actually always available to us, if we seek it and cultivate it in us. It is this place where the soul speaks which only happens if we become still and clear the clutter in our minds.

Meditation is therefore one of the best ways to get in touch with this place as it allows us to practice mindfulness and detachment.

Besides meditation, I also believe that the following practices can get us closer to our true self:

1.Developing self-awareness through regular reflections, journaling, intimate discussions with friends, loved ones or even a Coach

2.Transforming motivation – freeing oneself from addictions and cravings and committing to higher goals

3.Taking control of negative emotions and cultivating love and gratitude

4.Being of service to others – feeling good by doing good and by turning work into service

5.Practicing Being Present through active listening, physical awareness, focus and by being one with nature

I am sure there many more ways to get closer to our true self and certainly one could introduce specific practices that belong to each of the mentioned areas above.
For the readers who wanted practical, short-cut answers to how to find our true selfs, I apologize. The reality is that awakening to our infinite selfs may be at the very heart of our earthly experience. What we can do is to use every day to take little steps into the right direction.

For me Coaching is not only the way I have chosen to give service to others, but it also teaches me a lot about my own self-awareness, the need of being fully present and being able to connect to my higher self.

Every Coaching experience is therefore actually a step towards my connection to my true self beyond my mental self-construct of who I am or who I want to be.

That is also true the other way round, every Coaching session for my clients is an opportunity reflect on their thoughts, emotions and physical sensations around a particular issue they are dealing with. And sometimes it so happens, that the clients allow themselves to tap into their inherent soul-level wisdom as part of the process. And every time that happens, I know that we both just became a bit truer to ourselves and have claimed part of our freedom.

“And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” – John 8:32

Love & Blessings,
Vanessa

Who is speaking?

2010-01-24T21:33:00.003+08:00

Dear all,

In my Feb newsletter, I will be writing on the topic of “3 Faces of Self-Mastery” in a rather generic sense and I wanted to take this opportunity to touch upon one of the faces in this blog today: the importance of self-awareness.

I think for those who have been reading my blog frequently, it is no surprise that self-awareness and self-reflection is a personal strength and priority of mine. It ties in with the notion of “if you want to change the world, you have to change yourself first” and how can we do this, if we do not understand what is going on within ourselves? The Coaching process is very much anchored on this principle as well – change happens when the client has made a new connection in his mind that gave an insight he or she didn’t have before. It is most powerful if that insight is not only about a situation or new course of action, but rather tells the person what it is in his or her self-perspective that has shifted to allow for the new conclusion to arrive. It follows the cycle of change your thinking -> change your feeling -> (and hence change your vibration) -> change your doing.

Connected to this is the fact that most people still operate on a DO-HAVE-BE principle. For instance, as long as we are doing the right things, we will get the money and then we will be somebody. With enough self-awareness practice, you will know it doesn’t work that way. Instead we have to adapt a BE-DO-HAVE attitude instead. “Being” means that we are fully present and all our senses are open, our beliefs are aligned to create a connection to our higher self. It is a vibrational state out of which “Doing” flows naturally, without having to put too much energy and force into it. “Having” becomes the consequences of both as things fall into place in a way that is best for all concerned.

For me personally, self-awareness has been an important starting point to get closer to a BE-DO-HAVE principle in life and at work. And I say closer, because to BE is a probably a challenging, life-long endeavor. I am “work in progress’, as most of us are.

One way to create more self-awareness in our life is to understand “who is speaking” in your inner mind. We all have hidden “ego-personalities” (EPs) that want to be heard by us. Those EPs are often nasty, being fed from underlying fears and perceived inadequacies. We have installed them in our subconscious mind to protect us from certain situations where we had negative experiences. The problem is once installed, they replay their script even in new situations where they are no longer needed which leads to outdated responses failing its original positive intent.

Coach in a Box (www.coachinabox.co.uk) calls those EPs “Mindtraps” – a trap we fall into about the way we look at the world. I call them EPs, because I believe that if called often enough, they become hardwired into our system and become personalities in their own right, managed and triggered by the master, our ego.

So what are typical EPs or Mindtraps?

1.Martyr: Other’s needs are more important than my own; I put myself second; I “should” or “have to” be doing this; work comes first, enjoyment later.

Associated feelings: resentment, irritation, apathy, anxiety

2.Avoider: I can’t do anything about this; it is not in my hands; it is as it is; no point interfering.

Associated feelings: hopelessness, anger, exasperation, paralysis

3.Pleaser: they won’t respect me; they think less of me; they have done / are more than me.

Associated feelings: low grade anxiety, apprehension, guilt, shame, lack of self-love and self-esteem

4.Critic / Doubter: I am not good enough; I got it wrong again; I could have done better and done more; things are always going wrong; they don’t want to change anyways; they will never make progress.

Associated feelings: frustration, anger, self-doubt, stress, helplessness, guilt, shame, wanting to be loved / respected

5.Prover: I am only as good as my next success; my goals is the only thing that matters; I will be found out.

Associated feelings: Tense, driven, high energy, excitement / adrenaline rush, stressed, can throw temper tantrums / get emotional

6.Worrier: they don’t listen to me; they will laugh at me; if I do this X will happen; I will never get it right for others; I’d rather avoid the situation; I have to be aggressive or not say it at all; I have to control the situation to prove to them and myself.

Associated feelings: anxiety, fear, needs safety

We may all have elements of all 6 EPs in us, but usually 1-3 types are more active and dominant than others. It also depends on the situation we find ourselves in and what “program / type” got activated.

The trick is to identify the situational triggers and then understand the irrational chain of limiting beliefs that are activated and result in specific reactions. Underlying the cycle of triggers -> thinking & feeling (EPs) -> consequences is usually a CORE FEAR of something.

For example, in my case I know that if I am more concerned about my “DOING” as I go into a coaching conversation, what happens is that my Critic & Doubter can easily be triggered. When I more focused on doing, it means my mind is too busy thinking things like: what questions should I ask, what tools & techniques will I use, how will the coachee respond, what else do I need to do etc.

By doing so, I can get easily trapped in my own mind rather than spending attention to the coachee of what is going on with him / her at this particular moment. I am playing out my own scenarios in my head and I am not connected enough.

Hence, insights as part of the conversation may not happen as there is a disconnect. Sensing that in myself can make me frustrated, thoughts like “why can’t I be present, it is my responsibility anyways to make this conversation effective” etc. will kick in. The consequence could be that I beat myself up and finally avoid doing anything, challenge or stop the conversation to gather myself and reconnect. I let it further unfold, being even more frustrated that things get better as I am still mindtrapped.

This means my EP cycle is Critic -> Martyr -> Avoider. Paying attention to this playing out, I have then to ask myself:

1. Who is speaking and what is being said by each of the EPs?
2. Where do I think that might come from?
3. Where do I have I heard that before?

Question 2 and 3 can give me then an insight into my triggers and core fear if observed over time. Once I understand what it is, I will have to address it and replace it with a positive belief instead.

Now, I know from experience that understanding our triggers and core fears that contributed to forming a limiting belief, may not be good enough to replace them effectively.

Knowing for instance, that one of my triggers for the Critic to kick in, are situations where I feel overwhelmed by the amount of diverse information the Coachee shares, which fosters my underlying fear of “not being able to stay in control” is very helpful. But to shift that belief, a rational understanding may or may not be good enough – that’s why the use of EFT, NLP and Hypnotherapy as complementary tools in coaching can be very helpful.

I suggest using the EPs and Mindtraps is a good way to start looking at different situations in your life that did not go as intended and where you reacted strongly. It is a basis to unravel some of your limiting beliefs.

Think about:
• Which EP plays out most often in your life and work?
• What are the specific situations when the dominant EP turns up?
• What is the trigger in those situations? What happened? (play it like a movie in your mind, only backwards)
• When this happened what did you believe about yourself, others, the situation at that time?
• What does this remind you of? Where did you learn this from?
• What feeling goes with this?
• Is it true?
• How do you know it is really true?
• Who would you be without that thought?
• How can you let go and turn that thought around?
• Who is the new personality speaking now?

I trust the EPs and those questions will give you some inspiration to practice some self-awareness in your life.

Let me know how you are doing, I would love to hear from you.

May you BE well, that you DO all the right things and HAVE all that you deserve.

Love, Vanessa

Setting purposeful goals

2010-01-10T21:16:00.003+08:00

Welcome back everyone,

I hope 2010 has started well for you and you have had some time to reflect and distill new resolutions, goals and plans for the year.

I had quite a bit of thinking to do, but with the help of my own mentor-coaches and with all the physical, mental and emotional cleansing before Christmas, I was in a good place to crystallize my core ambitions for the year. I allowed myself to go beyond “traditional” goals and connect to my larger purpose and vision and in this blog I would like to share how this happened:

Enriching the Goals
After critical questions by my mentor-coach about my goals, I came up with a revised list that separated GOALS and PROJECTS with attached timelines, preliminary strategies how to get there and measures (evidence that lets me know when I have achieved my goals).

You may be wondering what questions my mentor-coach had asked that prompted me to revise my plans. Quite simply, she challenged me to think about:

a.Whether my plans really “excite” me? And if not (and obviously some of my plans did NOT excite me…), how could I integrate new options that DID excite me?

b.What kind of markets, people, environments and results if achieved would charge me up?

c.In which ways could I transform and re-design my existing plans to include options that showcase “who I am” and “what I truly want to achieve” (my essence) by working with people?

You can imagine, while I knew she was right about going back to the drawing board, I was not quite thrilled that my core essence was still not reflected in my plans and I had to dig deeper again.

I was cracking my head for a few days and then I sat down with my partner over two sessions to go through all the goals again. After discussions and sharing’s, I decided to enrich my goal list with special projects that require more intense work, but are ultimately what am looking for. The key for me was to balance business goals that are necessary at this stage (to also be financially stable) with knowledge-building, developmental and creative goals that may not bring immediate results, yet set me on the right track towards my long-term vision.

Cognitively this may seem obvious, but in reality, standing in the midst of your own plans, it is like “not seeing the wood for the trees”, you can get so caught up in the details, that you are missing the bigger picture.

Connecting with Essence and Purpose
Part of the bigger picture is also about knowing the ultimate reason, the driver, and the purpose of why you are committed to achieving certain things. For me personally, it has always been important to be aware of my purpose as it has given my life and actions meaning. I generally have a strong desire to understand how my intentions and actions today fit into the overall puzzle of my life. This awareness allows me to make more conscious choices in the present that will ultimately influence the future (think of cause & effect or KARMA).

Having said that, it did take a long time and consistent efforts, learning’s and reflections, to find that purpose inside of me and take the courage to show it to the world through my work and way of being (one of the reasons why I set-up Flow & Balance).

While I had articulated my purpose as part of my “Personal Strategic Plan (PSP)” in 2008, something was missing looking at my plans and new identity as a Holistic Coach in 2010. And as the universe always provides the right resources at the right time, I had the privilege to have a coaching call by my other mentor-coach. In this conversation, we addressed some of my concerns regarding my own expectations, style and standards I put upon myself when coaching people. As we progressed through this intimate verbal dance, four fundamental insights for me were reinforced:

1.One of my core values is to “make a difference for people” and I have chosen Holistic Coaching as my vehicle to do this.

2.My ultimate purpose is to “awaken people” – it is about empowering people to understand who they are, what they are here to do and what they want to create, how they use their talents & gifts to live a life with purpose and meaning, in flow & balance and with spiritual guidance.

3.I commit myself to embrace and be guided by this purpose in all my coaching conversation with clients and interactions with people in my life.

4.The coaching style I adopt expresses my natural strengths where I leverage and blend rational (being an Expert & Challenger) with emotional (being a Counsellor and Supporter) capabilities to facilitate holistic transformation for people.

You see, suddenly the pieces fit together as I crystallized not only:

•WHAT I want to do and how I measure it – my goals & projects

•But also WHY these are important to me – connecting to my vision, purpose & values

•And commit myself to principles of HOW I am going to do it – my natural strengths & coaching style (and purpose)

Visualizing and Manifesting
As many of you may know, in my article on Goal-setting which was published in Today’s Manager Magazine (Dec / Jan 2010 – you can also download it if you go to articles at http://www.inflowandbalance.com/free-resources.html) and my 1st Newsletter in Nov 2009, I emphasize the importance of daily goal visualization. It is so important, because by doing it we send messages to our subconscious mind to attract the resources and situations we need to manifest our goals (see also previous blog entries on the power of the subconscious mind).

One good way of doing it is to create a Vision Board. And it happened that my friend and neighbour, Martha Lee (www.eroscoaching.com) was conducting a Vision Board Workshop last Friday which I attended. Having gone through my rigorous goal alignment and purpose-connection process, I figured this was the last puzzle piece I needed for making my goals come alive. In addition, I also believe in walking the talk – if I emphasize it for clients, I better make sure I am doing it myself!

It was really a creative exercise where you design a collage by cutting out pictures that represent your goals from magazines and newspapers and glue them onto a board. As Martha highlighted, it is actually important to “glue” or fix the images permanently onto the board to reinforce our commitments towards the goals. If we do not do it, we may be tempted to switch goals around or replace them all together which is like “backing-off”.

You can see my Masterpiece as picture in this blog.

Take Away’s
You might be wondering why I am sharing my process and outcomes of the goal-setting in such detail. One thing I realized about myself and this blog writing is that I never start off with having clear key objectives of the blog entry in mind, but rather let a story unfold. While you are certainly encouraged to pick up the messages relevant for you, allow me to give you some pointers that I deem important:

•The goal-setting process in a beginning of the year is essential if you are committed to progress and manifest your true desires for the year or subsequent years.

•Goal-setting is not only a rational exercise or a listing of “to do’s”, it needs to connect to your larger vision, purpose, direction and values in life. This enables you to come up with meaningful actions and plans that serve your long-term and short-term goals and provides positive impact on the environment and other people.

•If you set goals, think about the principles of a fulfilled life: “I am fulfilled and happy if that what I set out to do and to achieve is:

oFitted to my personality (who am I)
oFulfils my personal needs (not necessarily WANTS) (what do I need)
oGives me direction (where do I want to go)”

•Get some support – go to your partner, friend or hire a Coach. It is easy to get lost in the details and delude yourself of what is really important to you. Sometimes the very things we truly desire do not appear on our goal lists, because these are the things we are most afraid of. The things we THINK we can’t accomplish anyways. Allow someone to challenge, encourage and support you!!!

I am planning of giving a Talk on “Purposeful Goal-setting” in the 1st quarter as part of a Health Series, What Therapy (www.whattherapy.com) is organizing. If you are interested, watch out for my February Newsletter. I am also offering goal-setting sessions at a discounted rate of S$80/hour for Jan / Feb 2010 (http://www.inflowandbalance.com/promotions.html).

Wishing you clarity, focus and joy as you embark on making your goals a reality in 2010!

In gratitude,
Vanessa

The Fasting Experience

2009-12-27T10:38:00.003+08:00

Hi everybody,

I trust that you had a blessed and peaceful Christmas. For me Christmas celebrations were a little different than usual this year. For one, I did not spend time with my family in Germany (which I do every year) and secondly, I did not have a big celebration meal with a glass of wine and dessert. Instead I have been breaking my 10-day Fast on Christmas Eve and celebrated with watery fruits and coconut water. Did I mind? Not at all – on the contrary, the Fast experience was amazing and I would like to share a little more about it in this blog today.

Expectations
This year was a Transition & Learning year for me with participating in additional Coaching certifications and finally setting up my own company Flow & Balance. It was not a light-hearted decision, but rather one I prepared myself for the last 2 years. In addition, my partner also re-set himself and started off into a new direction. The cost of learning and preparing for internal & external change was certainly felt in our drop in income this year, yet we managed to move to a different apartment, have our holidays AND pay our bills somehow. Just to say that there is always a way, if you are seriously moving into a direction with purpose.

My intentions ending the year with a 10-day fast & detox were to prepare myself for a “new” life and consolidate and fully internalize the learnings’ and experiences of this year. And set myself “right” so to speak. I had never done a Fast before and was a little anxious whether I would be able to hold it through. However, I did many experiments with my eating habits before including being a Raw Foodist which made me very sick after 6 months. From hindsight I realize why, because I hadn’t prepared my body with a fast and didn’t really have enough knowledge about eating balanced and well on raw foods only.

This time I wanted to make sure I do it right and learn more about foods and the body. And Dharma Healing (www.dharmahealingintl.com) run by Hillary was the perfect choice for that. Every day during the 1st week of the fast, Hillary would spent at least 2-3 hours with us to take us through how the digestive systems works, what Vitamins & Minerals we need, what foods to avoid, how to prepare raw food etc. She is a loving and very wise woman who has been walking the talk for many years and her support & giving is unconditional. Yet, she is also tough – there are no excuses. Being a Buddhist, she believes in the concept of “suffering” to get over our attachments. In addition, we had and Iridology reading, Yoga and Meditation Classes, a Dharma Talk, experienced Tibetan Singing Bowls and a Coconut Class as part of the weekly fasting schedule.

The Group
In my fasting group were about 9 people, interestingly only 1 of the group was living where he was born. All others have been living outside their countries for a long time. We had people originally from South Africa, Denmark, USA, Turkey, Indonesia, Japan, Canada, Australia and Malta. Everyone has been on their own journey and came for very different reasons ranging from gaining clarity, overcoming grief & loss, finding a new career path, coping with depression & loss of joy to finding more balance and mental clarity in their lives. Most of them had done fasting at least 2-3 before and returned, because of the tremendous benefits they felt afterwards.

It was a great group with love & care for each other and I am happy for some that it was a break-through from an emotional, mental, behavioural and spiritual standpoint.

The Process
The Fast had essentially two components, a cleansing of your colon via colonic treatments that you gave yourself twice a day as well as a detox of your system via non-eating, taking herbal & vitamin C drinks, teas, coconut water (twice a day) and a broth in the evenings. Admittingly, the “colonics” as they are called were the most difficult part for me since you are required to pump up a mixture of water & herbal tea (evenings) or water & coffee (mornings) through your anal canal into your digestive organs to clean out the debris, worms, biles, stones and whatever got stuck there ages ago. It wasn’t a pleasant procedure, but certainly one that enhanced the effects of the fast and accelerated the cleansing process. I also went twice for a professional colonic (2,500 Baht per session), in the middle of the fast and at the last day of the fast. This was a worthy investment since I felt that the cleansing was done more thoroughly than I could have done it on my own.

You could also buy a daily shot of wheatgrass juice for oral taking or even use it for a colonics. I did the wheatgrass colonic once, but didn’t really know whether it was effective and how much of the vitamins my intestines were able to absorb.

In addition to the daily cleansing rituals and activity schedule, Hillary invited therapists and healers to speak about their services and I managed to go for a Hypnotherapy session, an Angel Workshop, a Reiki Workshop, a Therapeutic-Energy Healing massage and 2 Body Massages (that were for free included in the fasting package) within the 10 days. It was great, all the things I wanted to complete this year just came to me and I had amazing experiences I am eternally grateful for.

I think one reason why this fast is so effective is the fact that you are in a loving, caring and spiritually enlightening environment which provides the right conditions to do inner work in a short period of time. Therefore all the experiences you have, become more intense, focused very much to bring the maximum healing about in the shortest amount of time. The therapists and healers are used to work and leverage this intensity for their clients’ benefits. And while all participants in the fast are from different walks of life and at different stages of their life, the intentions are the same: clear out physical, mental, emotional and spiritual blocks that keep you stuck and unable to move forward in life.

The fast is therefore a process you go through to achieve mental clarity by dropping off unwanted thoughts, emotions and behavioural patterns. Can you see the close connection to the coaching process I advocate at Flow & Balance?

My Learnings’
Certaintly someone needs to be ready and have the desire to go on this journey of cleansing the mind & emotions through cleansing the body. I had to become 32 years old to really develop this desire (while I have to say I have always paid attention to what I eat and do generally consider myself a healthy eater). But once I have found it and experienced the benefits, I know I will make it a regular habit from now on.

I feel much more alive, alert, mentally clear and calm after the 10 days. It opened my eyes that the way for personal development and progress has to include the body at some level (I always knew this cognitively, but never FELT more convinced about than now). We can’t live a healthy and balanced live if we do not pay attention to what we put into our bodies and how we nurture them. Food is energy, it vibrates, it is conscious, it gives us life. How can we eat a cow that is a fellow living creature that has been pumped full with hormones, cruelly treated and murdered and expect to nurture our body? We not only have to digest the animals fats in our body (which is the hardest thing to do for the body since these animals are made up very similar to the human body and are not meant to be eaten), but we also have to deal with the karma we are taking on from this animal. Do we really believe eating this way will not affect us and the consciousness of our cells in the long-run?

Food is self-love, it is self-respect and respect for the universe, for fellow living beings and the beautiful natural environment we are a part of. How can we not be grateful and wondrous about the delicious vegetables, fruits, wholegrains, nuts, seeds, oils and water we are provided by the earth NATURALLY (if we treat the earth with respect & love as well)?

My choice is clear, I am committed to live a wholesome life and therefore the food I am taking, the way I am eating and the way I am taking care of my body day by day is a reflection of the love for myself, all people, the environment, the universe and God. And if you see it that way, what tiny sacrifice is a 10-day fast once a year to reinforce and renew this commitment?

I wish you a healthy, happy and successful 2010! It is never too late to become the person you really meant to be.

Love & Blessings,
Vanessa

The challenge of "Being Present" in a Relationship

2009-11-29T20:06:00.001+08:00

Welcome back.
How have you been? Are you already in Christmas mood and all ready to bring joy and love into others life at this special time of the year?

My partner and I managed to put a few Christmas deco items into our house over the weekend and I have to say I, it was not easy. While he is the “more, the better” type, I insisted to keep it as minimalistic as possible with the effect that we had to go out three times to add on a different item each time to make the house at last feel somewhat season-spirited.

Frankly speaking, we have never been the couple that gets things like house moving, decorating, cooking, grocery shopping and house fixing done smoothly. We both have a strong character and hold very particular views on how things need to get done. Watching each other in the process makes matters worse and the usual “I told you so” and “not like this…” can end in raised voices and snappy comments. It is funny though that this mostly happens with things that are largely unimportant or matters of the household. When it is about big things and big decisions in our lives, we are usually quickly aligned and are nurturing the same views.

I often wondered about that without conclusive insights, I have to admit. Yet, what I do realize is that I do play my part in it and can make these little discrepancies between us bigger than they really are which almost always has a negative impact on our relationship. I have this “gift” at times to make a mountain out of a molehill and to push the envelope. Over the last 2 years, I dare to say that I have learnt to accept this part of me and through lots of self-reflection and I am now in better control of myself – my thinking, my feeling and my reactions irrespective of what my partner’s reactions might be. (even though you would have to ask him to confirm my view.)

One concept that I have had to constantly remind myself of is that of “staying in the present”. What do I mean by that?

When we are beginning a new relationship with someone, everything is new and fresh. We are getting to know the person in fascinating many ways and almost everything he / she does is interesting and surprising.

However, once we know our partner, often the very things that were “cute” become a nuisance. Instead of surprising us, the behaviours of our partner seem like an old broken record, played over and over again. We have begun taking the other person for granted and we have started to look at them through different eyes. The lens we apply is the lens of “already knowing” what he or she will say or do. If we keep on using this lens, life and love can begin to be boring, predictable and no longer engaging. The more we live in the past to interpret our partner’s behaviour, the more likely it is that we are getting our self-fulfilling prophecy. He or she doesn’t even stand a chance to be and act different, because in our minds an automatic response pattern has already decided on what is going to happen next.

A different way to react is by staying fully in the present, letting go of the past, letting go of self-righteousness and becoming sensitive to the partner’s needs instead. I admit it is not easy in the beginning, but if you try it a couple of times, you will find that it opens up a new space of collaboration, respect and love.

Staying in the present means that we forgo all the “should’s” and “have to’s” and offer honest questions and support instead. It requires us to pay attention to our own reactions to the situation at hand and towards our partner. If our reaction is over the top and misappropriate given the actual situation, most likely we are dragging the past into it. If you catch yourself doing that, stop and trace the thought or past incidents that you were just thinking of. Ask yourself: “How true is this really?”

You remember Katie Byron’s “The Work” mentioned in the other blog entry? Every time I am starting to get upset about something my partner did or did not do is, I go through a couple a questions in my mind:

•Is it true? (what I think about him or his reactions at this moment)

•What is my reaction / what are the consequences for us if I believe this is true?

•Who would I be (and our relationship be) if I let this thought go?

•What is really most important to me – very often this brings me back to my positive intention and gives me the motivation to approach him “lovingly” rather than with judgment

•What can I offer him / what can I do right now to improve the situation – sometimes I just have to take his hand, sometimes I have to ask him a question of what is important to him, sometimes I hold him and say that everything is fine etc.

In the end of the day, live is really too short to fight and argue about all the little things. We have the chance everyday to make more conscious choices in our lives and relationships. Relationships are an ideal place to discover: “what’s the work that we have to do ourselves towards more wholeness”. Our partner often is only a mirror to show us what we have to heal most in ourselves. If we recognize that, a relationship can become a vehicle for personal, spiritual growth and healing.

It is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it – at least for me.

Imagine, what it would be like to see the person you love with new eyes every day? I invite you to leave the past out of your present and create the next moment with the one you love as it is the first.

The Importance of Seasons

2009-11-16T12:37:00.004+08:00

Good morning, everyone!

Time seems just to be flying these last few months and I truly can’t believe that we will celebrate Christmas soon. If Orchard Road and all the Singapore malls and shops wouldn’t remind me of it with their lights, decoration, songs, food and presents, I probably would ignore it all together this year.

I feel more in action-mood than reflection mood recently and Christmas seems like a force-fitted break to me. This is funny though, since I always enjoyed the pre-christmas time with its warm & spirit-filled events and rituals. Maybe one of the reasons is that even after 6 years in Singapore, I do miss the distinct differences of the year’s seasons – autumn, winter, spring and summer. In Germany for instance, each season brings different habits, foods, activities and clothes into our life. In Singapore, the seasonal changes are subtle and are mostly to be observed in whether changes (e.g. like now with more rain, a bit colder) and shop displays. I often wonder if people in Singapore never miss nature’s seasons as a catalyst for personal change and shifts. And if they do miss it, what do they do about it?

I personally do have a strong desire to have my internal seasons in tune with the outside world. It doesn’t feel natural to me if Christmas is about drive & actions and summer about contemplation and silence.

Let’s have a look in more detail what each season stands for and how this is related to personal shifts:

Autumn – Sensing Changes
• Knowing and acknowledging that changes are in the air
• Preparing for a safe refuge where you get ready for the developments ahead
• Staying open & worry-free and securing networks and support

Early Winter – Retreating and Reflecting
• Allowing yourself to feel tired, confused and unhappy
• Creating quiet time, turning inwards
• Reflecting on where we are, what we want and our ideals
• Time for renewing yourself

Winter – Hoping in the darkness
• Being in the dark, waiting for insights to emerge
• Turning things upside down and looking at life from different perspectives
• Deciding on things that are enough – drawing lines in the sand
• Finding a new story about our past and testing new doors to the future

Late Winter - Defining the Vision
• Following the Insights wherever they take you
• Clearing spaces – physically, mentally and emotionally
• Creating a plan for the future

Spring – Growing
• Giving birth to the plans and the new you
• Planting the right seeds
• Bursting with energy and momentum
• Trusting one’s own timing

Summer – Celebrate your Harvest
• Being clear, confident and living abundantly
• Allowing the new fruits in your life to ripen at its own time
• Celebrating success, playing and enjoying

Reflecting on my own situation at the moment, I feel I am more in the season of spring rather than winter. Yet, there are elements from Winter and Late Winter which I would like to explore more fully – in particular:

• Finding a new story about our past and testing new doors to the future (W)
• Clearing spaces – physically, mentally and emotionally (Late W)

To do this I decided to take a break from my usual Christmas Holiday in Germany(and over-eating) and attend a 10-day Fasting & Detox Retreat in Thailand (alone!). It comes with a spiritual counseling centre, meditation and yoga activities and I can’t wait to make more space for my visions and plans to take root and blossom in a more refined ME.

Just like the seasons in nature, you too may experience your life and the changes in it just like the seasons. Perhaps you are experiencing different seasons in relation to various aspects of your life at this time. What season of the year are you in? And what can you do to leverage the natural qualities of this time for your personal growth?

Love & Blessings,
Vanessa

Facing Personal Challenges

2009-11-01T22:20:00.002+08:00

Hi there!

It has been 2 interesting weeks for me. I use the word interesting, because I am actually still at an internal processing stage. In the last 2 weeks I participated in a number of work- and non-work related events and as usual this distinction wasn’t very helpful as the lines blurred quickly. What was “work” turned out to be very personal and what was “non-work” opened up realizations to become better at work. It was a timely reminder that life lessons present itself at any time and anywhere as long as we are open enough to receive them and are somewhat “ready” for change.

The beauty about Coaching is the fact that you are constantly challenged to learn and monitor yourself closely to make sure that you do not project your own “business” onto the Coachee. In the Henley Coaching Certification program I am currently participating in, they are emphasizing this fact by allowing us to write reflective pieces of our coaching experiences in the role as a Coach as well as a Coachee. It is a useful way of getting beneath your own surface and understand the interplay of subconscious forces at work (see last blog entry).

Self-reflection has always been a very important part of my life, but recently I have felt somewhat trapped in a vicious cycle. It is like the more I know what I have to change something, the more caught up I get. The “should’s” and “should not to’s” and “have to’s” just kept on creeping in into my self-talk. You can imagine some of the outer effects – my moodiness increased, I started to question myself and what I want, started to blame my partner for all the things he doesn’t do for me, I over-ate, I felt unhappy etc.

On a cognitive level I know that it has been ME creating all this difficulties in my mind by believing in and falling for thoughts that are not true. Of course, this is not the first time I am experiencing this (we are human beings and are thinking ALL the time), yet having done a lot of personal development work over the last few years, I was surprised at the intensity and frequency of these thoughts that only seem to know one purpose: “creating fear and doubt”.

Then I saw a connection – the closer I seem to get towards achieving my goals, the louder my internal critic becomes. You may call it “fear of success” or doubts that are created by my thinking mind about what I am able to achieve or not.

Luckily, as a Coach and personal development “junkie” I do have tools and resources at hand that can help me through a difficult period like that. This time, the support has come in three different forms:

•A book that I picked up from the library on being “Consciously Female” by Tracy W. Gaudet, M.D.

•A spontaneous Healing session with Sound and Channeling by my dear friend Lena Chen (www.lenashealinghaven.com)

•A Workshop I had signed up for on “The Work” (Katie Byron – www.TheWork.com), a process of inquiry to release your limiting thoughts and beliefs and “love what is” (loving the present without judgments). The Workshop was hosted by Elaine Grundy from the Reiki Centre (www.reikicentre.com.sg)

All three resources have been teaching me different things and approaches to deal with the issues at hand. The book I picked up has made me realize that I my well-being (including my motivation and self-confidence) is indeed impacted by my cyclical states. I have been keeping a mood chart in connection with my menstrual cycle for a while now and am generally aware of the links. However, this book is like God’s gift for women who want to have an integrative perspective on how to actually deal with female specific issues in a mindful and conscious way. It would be too much for one blog entry to repeat lessons learnt for me, but all I can say is that I will be working on getting more consciously female and will start to adjust my weekly schedules and routines to incorporate some of the insights I got from this book.

The session with Lena was a very special experience. I have known Lena for about 1+ year and she had worked as a Counselor before. She has her own Healing practice now and is into Holistic Therapies. We are regularly in contact and we have been both talking about a general change in the approach to healing. According to established sources, the world has started to shift from energetic healing energies to sound and light. And as if by design, Lena had started to incorporate voice and tone into her healing sessions together with inner dance elements. She had told me about it before, but when I experienced it myself it was like a journey through time and space, her voice reflecting exactly my mental images and the bodily experiences I had. Her channeling was also powerful for me, since the messages I got confirmed that I am on the right path. Yet, again I also had to realize that being in flow, achieving all that I desire and spiritually evolve comes from the HEART and not the head. I was being reminded that I am a very good planner and analytical person. However, the progresses I will make are not based on my cognitive abilities but rather on my capacity to open up and follow my heart. How true! When she channeled these messages during the session, I could feel the “heaviness” of my own thoughts and mind and the blockage to the heart chakra. I was being told that one of the ways to listen to my heart more closely is daily meditation. And what do you know…? I have always been an on and off meditator, but recently I felt compelled to put more discipline into my meditation practice. So, it shows I do listen to my heart – sometimes at least.

The 3rd lesson I got (beside cyclical considerations and heart-opening through meditation) was the fact that monitoring your thought processes is indeed “work”. Katie Byron’s approach is titled “The Work” and I must say having read her book about 3 years ago, I was a little apprehensive in applying her process. Her approach emerged from her own experiences of being depressed for almost 10 years. She realized one day that her suffering was caused by the beliefs she held about the world around her and not by the world itself. She saw that our attempt to find happiness was backwards – instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match our thoughts about it “should” be, we can question these thoughts and, by meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy. Based on this, she developed a simple, yet powerful process of inquiry about our limiting beliefs led by four questions and a turnaround:

•Is it true (the limiting thought / belief)?
•Can I absolutely know that it is true?
•How do I react if I think that this thought / belief is true?
•Who would I be without this thought /belief?
•Turnaround: Find 3 genuine examples of how the opposite is true in your life

I had tried the process on my own several times before with some results. The Workshop reinforced that there is still work to do. So, I decided to give “The Work” a more dedicated try over a period of 3 months but in conjunction with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) as I still believe that “cognitive mind work” is great, yet combined with energy releasing techniques the results should even be better. I keep you informed how it goes and if it goes well, it is definitely something I want to add into my holistic coaching toolkit. Until then, I will be your guinea pig.

So, 2 weeks gone by, three lessons richer and three hours later (that’s how long it took me to write this blog), did I find my holy grail to solve my current doubts and fears? The answer would be a mixed “yes” and “no”. I am certainly grateful for the resources and support I am getting (and I know I should get myself a coach too…it is on my goal list for 2010). However I also know that self-awareness, clarity of goals and resources are parts of the journey, now it is about translating those into action and ongoing practices. Therefore I just decided that my next blog entry will be titled “Walking the Talk”.

Before you leave, reflect on the following questions with an open heart:
•What are YOUR learning’s over the past 2 weeks
o In general?
o In relation to your goals?
•What resources have you tapped into to handle your current challenges (if any)?
•What progress did you make? How do you translate your learning’s and resources into actions? What do you learn about yourself as you do that?
•What else do you need to think / feel / do to…? (e.g. learn more effectively, listen to your heart, progress towards your goals etc.)

If you have signed up for the INFlow& Balance Newsletter, watch out for the “Goal-setting” article and template, it may bring you a step closer to where you want to be.

As Katie Byron says: “No one can give you freedom but you.”

See you soon,
Vanessa

My transitioning self

2009-10-19T10:52:00.002+08:00

Dear all,

This is my official 3rd blog entry after establishing Flow & Balance in Sep 2009 and it seems I am getting used to my fortnightly reflections which I have posted at every other Monday. It really allows me to reflect on what has happened, what moved me, what progress did I make and perhaps also where did I get stuck.

I am actually quite new to experimenting with different mediums like the blog, newsletter and article writing. There is certainly a ton of information out there how to do it “right”, however I decided to trust my intuition and learn as I go along. My intention is that what I write about will be the outward expression of inner journey and to allow my inner-most thoughts to flow out freely is admittingly still a huge learning process for me.

I believe there comes a time for all of us in our lives where we start to express more and more of who we are and what we think, feel and desire and if that happens, we are one step closer to take on our role as creators and become more comfortable with authenticity. My tagline in Flow & Balance is “Living and Leading from your true self” and I have chosen it mostly because of my own experiences in struggling to understand who I really am, what I want out of life and then having the courage to follow-through on what I believe is right, going beyond social conditioning and expectations. Without a doubt, it can be painful at times … yet if we want to make a difference in this world, listening to own heart and establishing our own ground-rules for life are essential ingredients.

Only yesterday, I experienced first-hand that the process of discovering one’s true self can be challenging. I had asked my partner John to review a self-reflective report I have had to submit as part of a Training program I am attending. As he was looking through the content, a few words and messages jumped out at him. We discussed his impressions and as we were talking (he was actually coaching me!), we got to deeper & deeper places. I used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) during the conversation and I dare to say that it allowed me to unblock some major experiences I had. For me it had to do with Trust, Safety and Control and while I thought I have dealt with it a long time ago, memory fragments from the past kept coming up (thanks to the subconscious mind!) and tears were rolling freely. It was a classic reminder for me that while I consciously made a decision to move ahead and manifest what I desire, subconsciously I allowed past experiences to hold me back. Through the conversation with John, he made me realize that unless I let go of the need to feel safe, trust-worthy and in control, new opportunities cannot emerge. We talked about how many times in my life I was already able to do this successfully and it dawned on me that I was actually in a major transition myself at this moment. And as long as I did not recognize it for what it is, I wouldn’t know what new & old resources I would require and what experience patterns to shift.

So, here I was, thinking I could just transit to a new place easily and effortlessly (since I had it all planned in my head for such a long time) and ignoring the misalignments in myself. You probably would say, “how come I thought she is a Coach, shouldn’t she know better and doesn’t SHE help people in transitions?” I believe, we are all human beings and we are often “seeing” when it comes to others and “blind” when it comes to oneself. Sometimes we do need external support, somebody who holds up a mirror and shows us the beautiful, ugly and unfinished sides of ourselves until we understand and are able to make new choices consciously.

And this is exactly part of my reason why I wanted to become a Coach, because it enables me to be there for others in times of transitions, when the going gets tough and we need honest reflections and reminders of our strengths.

I am lucky to have a partner who has always been very supportive. During the last 6 years, this is the 3rd major change and transition we have been going through together and each time we are both faced with very different learning’s. Sometimes it seems that what I have too little, he has too much and visa versa. It is an interesting constellation with many intense moments to learn from.

Before I end for today, I just wanted to make one important distinction in case you wonder about the differences between change and transitions. In my view, all transitions involve change, but change itself is not transition. Change occurs in the outer world while transition occurs in the inner. The challenge is to gracefully work and move through the emotions during times of change and knowing how to capitalize or leverage them positively.

Our whole life is actually a never-ending cycle of change. Seasons come and go. Beings are born and they die. Seeds are planted, they grow, they come to fruition and die. Plants and animals live and die in an unending cycle. This is a natural process and what happens in our lives is very similar. We are here to learn, create, enjoy, let go and move on – until we are ready to return where we came from.

How we want to move through each of the different phases and stages within one phase, is a decision we have to make again and again. We can deny, refuse, struggle, understand, accept, learn, realize, internalize and align. The choice is ours!

Maybe it is useful to start thinking about your own changes & transitions in life and what did you learn from them about yourself. I hope the following questions are a starting point. If you have any thoughts or insights, I would love to hear from you: vanessa@inflowandbalance.com.

•What are the major milestones / changes in my life that helped me to evolve & grow?

•How did I feel when I was going through them?

•What did I feel / think / do that helped me to transit gracefully and successfully? What can I learn from this? What does this tell me about myself?

•Where am I currently in the seasons of life? What “header” would I give my life at this moment?

•How am I feeling about it?

•Is there anything I would like to change about it?

•If yes, what changes do I want?

•How can I prepare myself for it – mentally, emotionally, habitual?

•Will I need support? Where will I be going to get support, encouragement and honest feedback?

•What will I do next?

Have a great week,
Vanessa

(Self-)reflection & The Subconscious Mind

2009-10-05T18:28:00.004+08:00

Dear all,

How have you been? What has happened the last two weeks that kept your attention? What positive things did you learn and experience? What lessons did you have to learn? What does that tell you in the bigger frame of things – about yourself, about your habits, about your wants / needs / shadows and the choices you make? What would you like to keep doing? What would you like to stop doing or change? Why has this become important to you right now and not later or earlier? How do you feel about yourself, others, the world? What else is there that you may not have paid attention to? …

These are some of the questions I have started to ask myself on a regular basis as I ventured onto my path of self-discovery and personal development. Since I have started Coaching, I can say that I am getting better at tuning into myself and revisit frequently what is going on inside & outside of me and whether I act in line with these thoughts or whether there is a tension between I feel and what I do. And if so, allow myself to explore the underlying reasons for it.

Time for regular reflection is one of the best investments you can give to yourself.
People use different methods for self-reflection that can range from meditation, prayer, journaling, diary writing, shadow work, conversation with friends & mentors, I-Ging reading, taro cards, angel card reading, dreams to guided visualization techniques and I believe there are many more. Since I talked about the subconscious mind in the last blog, I wanted to explore a little further today how we can access the subconscious mind for better self-reflection and to understand “what is REALLY going on”. Isn’t it true that we if we would listen to feedback from our bodies, feelings, hunches, dreams, re-occuring thought patterns during self-talk and actions taken, we would always know what to change for the better?

The tragic of modern life is that we have forgotten to pay attention to ourselves and are not making enough time to find out more about the feedback we are getting. We are never a victim of external circumstances, but a victim of our own personal belief and expectation system. And as a matter of fact most of our beliefs are stored in the subconscious mind – to address them, we need to access them and become aware of them. So, how do we do that?

I believe that if we enter an altered state of consciousness (meaning your brain waves operate at a slower rate (alpha, theta, delta) than in an awakened state) which you can access through hypnosis, day-dreaming, visualization, meditation or with dreams at night etc., there is a greater chance of coming closer to the “truth”. Truth could mean understanding the root cause of a challenge you are facing, it could mean unearthing a particular belief and understanding where it came from, but it can also mean to find positive resources or a past memory that can be of help at this particular time for us. The more we train and allow our mind to go there, the easier it is to access this information.

In my Coaching I like to make use of this altered state of consciousness by getting my coaches into a relaxed state and by using visualization as well as body-mind experiences through certain NLP processes. I found this much more effective than just a cognitive reflection or exploration of the challenge or goal at hand. The reflection and learning’s a coachee has at this level are usually deeper and bring him / her closer to the “truth” and core essence. If the mind is quieted and a shift of awareness happens, self-awareness and transformation becomes easier. However, not all coachee’s are ready to go there from Day 1 and timing and allowing the coachee to build up his /her trust towards the process and the Coach are important prerequisites.

But how can YOU go there and experiment with (self-) reflection on this level, if you do not have a Coach? I was thinking about my own methods and I would like to share 3. If they are applied over time, they can become a wonderful guidance and source of inputs to the question of “what is really going on” on a deeper level.

1. Remembering Your Dreams
Before you go to sleep, set an intention for yourself to remember the dream you are about to have.
Ask a specific question about a problem and ask for the dream to help you.
Keep a journal and pen at your bedside table.
When you wake up, try not to move. Staying in one position wiyll help the dream stay present.
Ask yourself is you were dreaming.
Gently pull the images back in, review the dream in your mind’s eye.
Take a few notes right away and don’t wait till morning. Then review the dream and ask yourself:
i. What are the feelings you are most aware of in your dream?
ii. How are these feelings like any other feelings you have in waking life?
iii. Describe XX (an important aspect of your dream).
iv. What part of you is like X?
v. What is X like?
vi. How is this something in your waking life?
vii. What is the central theme in your dream?
viii. Does the theme remind you of anything in your waking life?
ix. What was that time of your life like? How is this like now?
Answer the questions in your dream journal and keep them as a guide.

2. Soul-centering Exercise (based on Dr. Phillip & Jane Mountrose; www.gettingthru.org)
The key here is to relax, disconnect from the active, rational mind and connect with receptive side of your nature.

Take a moment and focus on an issue that you would like to address as you connect with the energy of your soul and higher self.
Read the following process and follow:

As you start to read this process and prepare to relax, take a few deep breaths and feel the tension beginning to melt from your body. Fill your lungs completely with pure, clear air with each inhale and allow the tension to continue to release with each exhale, so that with each breath, you feel more and more relaxed and your body becomes lighter, allowing the tension to drift down through your arms, legs and feet and into the earth. Imagine that you have a grounding cord from the base of your spine and widen it out so whatever you are releasing can melt down into the earth.
Now bring clear energy into your mind with each inhale, so all of the cells of your brain can relax and your mind becomes more and more clear with each breath. And allow the clear energy to move down so that your entire head is relaxed, traveling down your neck and shoulders now, and allowing all of the organs in your body to relax. Now allow a wave of clear energy and relaxation to move gently down your arms, all the way down to the tips of your fingers. And feel another wave of relaxation moving down your spine to your legs and feet, travelling all the way to the tips of your toes, so your entire body is relaxed and filled with clear, pure energy. You may want to stop reading for a moment and focus on relaxing your entire body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
As you continue, begin to focus your breath on the area around your heart, where your soul connects with your body. Imagine that you are sending pure energy into this area, so that with each breath, there is more and more energy there and, as you continue breathing, you can feel the energy intensifying so it may seem like there is a ball of light around your heart. Allow this ball of light to become brighter and brighter, radiating its energy out in all directions, so that you feel yourself completely surrounded by the energy and you can feel this energy permeate every cell of your body with its beautiful light. As you do this, if any pain comes up in your heart, simply allow the pain to come out into your awareness and ask the breath to release it. Letting go of this pain will help you to completely embrace the love you hold in your heart. You may want to stop reading again for a moment and focus on experiencing the energy of your soul in your heart and radiating out around you.
Now you can shift your focus to the area just above your head and imagine that there is another light there. As you imagine it there, allow this light to begin to pour down through the top of your head and fill your entire body, so that you can see and feel yourself filled with this light all the way down to the tips of your fingers and the tips of your toes. As it becomes brighter and brighter, it overflows so that you are completely surrounded with this light and you can feel yourself in perfect harmony and balance with everything that is around you. You can also feel the energy of all of the others who are building this connection and allow it to help you to strengthen the experience for you. Take a moment now to feel this harmony and how you are connected with all that is.
From this place of peace, you can ask for guidance about any problem you may be experiencing. This is especially useful if you focused on a problem before starting the process and can recall how it felt to you then. You should find that your perspective is different than it was before. From this place of clarity, you can bring in new levels of awareness to help you in any aspect of your life. If you are focusing on a problem, you may want to stop reading for a moment and view it from this higher perspective.
As a note, if you were not able to fully experience the energy of your soul, just continue to work with this process and focus on releasing any painful emotions that come up. You will notice a shift as you release the emotions and open to the loving energy of your soul.
Now it is time to shift your awareness back to the present time and feel yourself where you are, sitting or lying down, making note of your body’s position. And, as you breathe, allow your breath to bring you back to your normal waking state, feeling alert and alive. As you prepare to go off to other activities, make sure that you are grounded with the cord that extends from the base of your spine to the center of the earth.

3. Glass of Water technique (based on SILVA Program)
This technique is works well if you need information, guidance and a deeper understanding.

Prepare a full glass of water.
Close your eyes and connect with your body and intention.
With your eyes closed, ask a specific question you have in mind (e.g. “What is holding me back to do xxx?”) and drink ½ of the water.
Put the ½ remainder away, go to bed and sleep. If you got the answer in your dream, say thanks and drink the remaining water in the morning.

If you did not get the answer yet, drink the remaining water first thing in the morning and belief that you will get the answer within the next 3 days.
It is a mental technique and as it works better over time as your level of confidence in this technique increases.

It works because “water” is actually programmed to serve as a reminder of human intelligence to keep searching for the necessary information.

Enjoy your experiments and let me know if you have any questions or just want to share your experiences vanessa@inflowandbalance.com.

Remember what Carl Jung once said:
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

Till next time,
Vanessa

New Beginnings & The Subconscious Mind

2009-09-14T09:19:00.000+08:00

Today (14th Sep 2009) is a big day for me as I launch my new Website and Company Flow & Balance. Originally it was planned to send out the first waves of announcements to friends, colleagues, associates and potential clients on 09/09/09 - aligned to the Chinese belief that this is day is special and brings GOOD LUCK & FORTUNE. Yet, I told myself "first things first" and realized an additional small dream this year: "going on holidays with my mother" who has come to Singapore for the 2nd time in 6 years. Her first visit was in Nov 2003 - the month I moved from Shanghai to Singapore and got involved in Antony Consulting. This time it seems her mission was again to launch me off into a new venture. What would we do without the parental support in our lives? At least for me, my mother has always been a role model, my friend and critic and I am utterly grateful to have her on my side during this exciting time in my life.

So, we decided to spend a few days in Langkawi (including 09/09/09:)) and enjoyed the beach, sun and rain forest. While browsing in the hotel store, I made a worthy discovery, a book written by a German who is based in Langkawi since 1992 and has been involved in NLP and Hypno Therapy, running his own Workshops ("My Life in my Hands"), IronMan Camps and Nature-Tourism ventures. I was hooked on - somebody promoting, living, writing and helping people successfully with positive & deep inside-out changes on a Malay island - evidence that progress & consciousness development can start anywhere, anytime. In his book, he covered a cross-section of topics including how the mind works, the body-mind connection and Hypnosis and the paranormal. He shared many of his client cases to demonstrate the effectiveness of hypnosis. A few points stuck with me and reinforced my own take on deep, personal change which I would like to share with you over the next couple of blog entries:

1. The subconscious mind rules until "mission accomplished".

It is a fact that the subconscious mind controls and guides about 90% of all acts that a human being performs throughout any given day or moment. This is so, because consciously we have a very limited capacity to process information (7 + 2 chunks of information maximum). You can compare this with driving a car. Remember when you first learnt to drive a car, how difficult it was to pay attention to all the new things: clutch, rear mirror, direction, speed, traffic lights, other drivers etc. After a while your learning’s have become subconsciously stored and you do things automatically. In this way, habits are formed. An experienced driver cruises, the conscious mind only springs into action when the need arises.

Now, the interesting thing is that the subconscious mind has always a "positive" (in a sense of mission accomplished) intention for the individual in mind. However, depending on under what circumstances and need a habit was formed, sometimes this can have detrimental results. Unlike the conscious mind, the subconscious mind has no ability to consider, reason or end its activity, once programmed. It will follow through until mission accomplished. An example, if a person wants to be slim, very slim and shows this intention in non-eating patterns, the subconscious will follow through until the person can become anorexic and may even die. This could definitely be the case if the reason for wanting to be slim is an emotional protection from something the subconscious mind has registered based on certain experiences earlier in life - meaning that there is even a deeper, emotional reason for the non-eating behaviour and need to feel slim rather than being slim for the sake of being slim.

In such cases, the underlying emotional root cause and the program that subconsciously runs, influencing the person’s eating habits has to be addressed to really produce change. A mere behavioural change approach would be too tedious since it would address the symptoms, but not the root of the matter and hence require many months of behavioural re-training.

This explains maybe a little bit why I always wanted to focus on “Holistic Coaching” rather than “Coaching” alone. A person coming to me wanting to set a goal to become a healthy eater may find that deeper issues that have to be addressed than recognizable on the surface. While it is my task to help the person be focused on the positive goal and build-up or reconnect the person with his / her inherent positive resources, I do believe that lasting change requires eradicating the root cause. Not always is Hypnosis the answer, sometimes a cognitive understanding or looking at the issue from different angles can also help the person to change.

But whatever technique used, it is important to understand that “old habits die hard” and by combining cognitive & emotional awareness, goal-setting, resource-building and subconscious re-programming or energetic changes, we may increase the chance of realizing positive changes and ultimately our goals. An approach, I would like to foster, grow and nurture in Flow & Balance.

I will share some more thoughts in the next blogs, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I do enjoy my time with my mother a bit more. She will stay until 22nd Sep 2009 and I would like to show her a bit more of the Singapore way of life.

Take Care and I will be back soon.

Best,
Vanessa

Realization(s)

2009-03-24T15:50:00.005+08:00

Welcome back.
Since I announced in my last entry to test the therapeutic effect of writing, I am back today to share some recent realization(s). When you have decided to become a Holistic Life Coach and work through the creative phase of setting-up a business, its philosophy & marketing as well meeting like-minded people who share the new journey with you, you do not anticpate to fall into deep holes easily. As a Life Coach you naturally think that "I have been through all this stuff" and therefore can't "afford" to personally suffer. It seems incongruent with what you want to create for your clients and your own ability to stand above it all. Yet, yesterday this seemed far away. I was caught in a spiral of negative thinking, anxiety and low self-confidence about my future and all the things that needed to be done in order to get ahead. After tossing and turning for hours in my bed at night, I finally felt a strong sensation and a state of peacefulness began to settle in my heart. As I was lying there, eyes half-open, listening to my heart beat and allowing my feelings to settle, I got a message. The message was not very strong, but clear: "Stop struggeling, start accepting and surrender". It suddenly hit me that only by acknowledging, embracing and accepting the Now and the Past, I would be able to move forward. This time it was different from a logical, cognitive understanding of what needed to be done. I immediatly connected the experience with information I had received 2 weeks earlier about the 4 stages of awakening and felt the message had just been reinforced for me. Life itself is a process of awakening - awakening to the fact that we all have choices in our lives and the more conscious we go through life, the more responsibility we take for it. While the world in itself is changing and our collective consciousness levels are rising right now, the 4 stages are still
reflected in the thinking, feeling and actions of people around us and within ourselves. The stages are:

Stage 1: VICTIM- Mentality (no control & responsibility; cultural programming)
Stage 2: EMPOWERED (more aware, experimentation with universal laws, still EGO-led)
Stage 3: SURRENDER (letting go to the Divine, allowing, not my will, but thy will be done)
Stage 4: AWAKENING (melting into the divine, is only granted by grace, oneself can't make it happen)

This in turn resonated with a book I just read by Gary Quinn on "Living in the Spiritual Zone" as well as a pendulum reading I received today that confirmed my life purpose as a "Spiritual Life Coach". By sharing this with you, I realize the that these partly disconnected experiences fit together, reaffirming what I have to do next to climb the ladder of increased consciousness. God and the Universe wanted me to know that if I allow letting go of my expectations, self-made pressures and past imprints, I truly have a chance to actually get there where I wanted to go in the first place. So, God I surrender, letting your light shine on me and be bathed in your divinity. In Gratitude, Vanessa

Reflection: What message is GOD & the Universe sending to you today?

2009-03-19T11:20:00.002+08:00

Hi there!

Well, this is my very first experience becoming a blogger. I know blogging is already "old" in terms of new media and communications, but admittingly it took me a while to warm up to the idea to share my views and ideas in such an open manner. But now I even think, this can become a therapeutic experience since I do enjoy writing :)

The reason I have created this blog is because I am in the process of establishing my own Holistic Coaching Practice called Flow & Balance (hence the same title of this blog). Holistic Coaching means that I will integrate Coaching & Healing Techniques to empower people to change their lives for the better. It is my personal mission to help people to help themselves and create new positive internal realities for themselves, so that their external experiences will change as well.

I spent the last 6 years in Singapore, working at our practice-based management Consulting company AC (www.antonyconsulting.com) which is focused on Change Management, integrating practice areas such as Strategy, Leadership Development and Human Performance Management. Coaching has become important for us to anchor desired changes in the leadership capability as well as organisational culture of the organisation.

Yet, I did find that the cognitive approach to coaching was not enough since I came across people with unresolved emotional issues that have had a direct impact on their managerial and leadership effectiveness. Therefore I started to learn about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - www.emofree.com) which I use to release negative emotions and change limiting beliefs as part of the coaching process. I am currently doing a Masters in NLP, Hypnotherapy and Timelinetherapy and will further integrate this into the coaching process.

My larger Vision is to create a Centre for Holistic Well-being (Flow & Balance is the 1st step towards it) which essentially becomes an Integrated Healing Centre where Coaching is part of the Client Engagement process. The vision of the Centre is: Becoming a living Resource Center and Incubator of self-actualization, greater goodness and humanity in action to contribute to the evolution of collective consciousness around the world. A tall order, but I have already found wonderful partners who are willing to contribute and make this Vision a reality.

My intention with this blog is really to share more about myself, my thinking and the work I want to pursue with others to make the world a better place to live in. We are approaching the "end of time" as the Mayan calendar has predicted, completing the 5th cycle of 5,125 years on 21st Dec 2012. While there are several dooms day scenarios out there, I believe we have the opportunity to choose our future and create a new epoch of peace, cooperation, and healing. This is what I would like to be part of, contribute my talents & abilities and build a community based on our humanity and beyond the Ego.

"We live in an illusion and the 'appearance' of things.There is a reality...We are that reality. When you understand this.You can see that you are no-thing. And being no-thing. You are everything. That is all"

--Kalu Rinpoche

Have a great day and I will be back...

Yours,

Vanessa